Quiet

So, it’s been a little less than a week before I quit posting on social media. It’s been a bit of an experience, really. I’ve had to learn (relearn?) some emotional regulation for myself. I had a few moments this week where I ran into some coding problems and I didn’t have the immediate vent outlet. Watching the impeachment hearings, and in particular, Sondland’s atomic bomb of a day of testimony, and I had to kind of just… sit on it for a while until I could talk to a human about it.  The world is still turning, and I’m still informed about things, but fuck, I don’t have to live through the ringer of by-the-second updates and opinion about EVERYTHING.

The whole thing has made me just overall, quieter. I think I find myself listening more. I am accomplishing my goal of spending less of my day in a fit of helpless anger. Doing the duolinguo Japanese has been really helpful, so I don’t have to just completely put the phone down, and can instead channel it into something productive. Prepping for this silks piece I’m performing today has also been helpful, as it’s given me an expressive outlet.

But all in all, I find myself feeling like I did when I quit drinking — I just feel more centered by the whole thing. I feel more capable of empathy in the moments I’ve reserved for human interaction. I have more energy to listen, and am finding myself finding my articulation again after several years of screaming in the modern newspeak. Maybe going on like this won’t be viable forever, but it sure as hell feels good.