Back in St. Louis

Back home visiting my parents. There was snow on the ground as I drove through all of the old places that the me who existed in high school drove through.It’s been a bit of a spell since I’ve been back here, and I still have a lot of anger built up around not being out (at least my version of out), about all of the things I’ve kind of choked back over the past two decades I’ve been on my own, and really, an especially nasty fight I had with my parents about the election in 2016. They claimed blackout over it, and I believe them, but it doesn’t really do much to block out dealing with those words and where to go from there.

I don’t hear much pressure about grandchildren anymore, but hey, having the “I’m very possibly sterile” conversation with them would be… a doozy too.

But here we are, all of the themes of connection and intimacy showing up again, but here it is about something damaged from when I was younger. I can’t tell if I’ve just gotten old or cold, or if paths have just diverged so much. Or maybe I just need to try harder. I don’t know. I’m glad I’m up here, I do feel like I’m accomplishing something, but, it’s hard too.